Entertainment Around the Campfire
by StrangelyPenned
Summary: "A mouse took a stroll through the deep, dark wood ... " Merlin finds himself the source of entertainment on a trip with the knights, pestered by requests for a war story. Arthur, however, may regret asking because he doesn't know what he's set himself up for ... Crack!fic that you may find amusing.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a crack-fic (hopefully a slightly-funny one), with an idea that made me smile when it jumped into my head at night and refused to budge until I wrote it down. So now I've typed like a maniac and I hope you like it.**

**This is not how I imaged my first foray into Merlin fan fiction would go**

Merlin looked around at them all stupendously. "You're kidding, right?"

"C'mon Merlin," pestered Gwaine. "You always have the best stories."

Merlin looked at him dubiously. Gwaine grinned and Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"How old are you, Gwaine?" Arthur interrupted. "Sometimes I forget."

"Sometimes I forget how old _all _of you are," Merlin muttered under his breath.

Arthur tried to look offended, but then a sly grin overtook his face. "Technically Merlin, you're the one who's always listening to Gaius's bedtime stories."

"But haven't a lot of his 'stories' turned out to be true?" Elyan pointed out, remembering the Druid boy that had possessed him all too well.

Merlin shot Elyan a grin. It quickly dropped off his face, however, with Arthur's next words.

"Okay, fine. Tell us another old superstition Merlin."

"Perhaps a war tale would be better exchanged," Leon offered, amused.

Arthur frowned but Merlin sighed, leaning his elbow onto his knee and resting his chin on his fist. His face took on a thoughtful expression that didn't escape Arthur.

"Don't think too hard Merlin, I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

Merlin looked up with a scowl. "That's mine."

"Yes but it suits you better," Arthur grinned.

"Prat," Merlin said, almost affectionately.

"Clot pole," Arthur replied in much the same tone.

Merlin raised an eyebrow and spoke with a hint of indignation. "That's mine too."

"Meanwhile," Percival cut in, and the interruption of the usually quiet knight made them both blush. Percival just grinned, amused.

Gwaine nodded. "Meanwhile, Merlin _still _hasn't told us a story."

"Or you could do that fire trick again," Elyan suggested, eyes sparkling.

"The fire trick?" Leon - who had yet to see it - asked, puzzled.

"He means this," answered Merlin, holding out his hand.

His eyes flashed gold and a flame appeared on his outstretched palm, accompanied by gasps and awed looks. No matter how many times they had seen it, the knights couldn't get over this simple display of magic.

"You said no spell," Percival observed suddenly.

Merlin looked up at the muscular knight curiously. "I don't always need to."

"Isn't that unusual?" Percival asked. Merlin risked a nod and the knight returned the gesture, looking satisfied.

That was when Arthur promptly decided he didn't like being left out of the situation. He cleared his throat loudly and Merlin turned to him with a mild look of concern.

"What?"

Gwaine butted in before Merlin could speak. "You look like you just swallowed poison."

"Oh ha, ha," retorted Arthur. "I was actually about to tell Merlin to regale us with his old superstitions but if you have better things to do ... "

"No, story!" Gwaine cried eagerly.

Merlin shot Arthur a look of disdain. "Why am _I _always the source of entertainment?"

"Because I said so Merlin," Arthur replied cheerfully, slapping the younger man on the back. "And _I _am the king."

Merlin muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "You're a dollop head" but nodded his head anyway. He grabbed a stick and poked at the fire, then a small grin overtook his face. Arthur didn't like it one bit.

"I've got a story," Merlin announced.

"So come on then!" said Gwaine, leaning forwards and rubbing his hands together.

Merlin looked around at all of the knights, as if appraising them. His eyes settled on Arthur and the smirk re-appeared on his left. Then Merlin looked at Gwaine sitting on his right and slowly dropped into his 'storyteller' voice; the one Arthur remembered all too well from the story about the sword in the stone. Merlin began to talk.

"_A mouse took a stroll through the deep, dark wood_ ... "

**Review, please? ;D There's a giant box right here too so all you need to give me is a couple of words!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope this A/N doesn't get too long, but there are a few things I'd like to say …**

**Guest 1, 2 &3 (in date of reviewing) thank you SO much for the reviews! It is so brilliant to get a positive comment from **_**anyone**_**.  
Eloise-If you think you're childish, how about me, writing the story? ;D  
Guest2-Yes! I was hoping to at least create the banter somewhat similar to the one I love so much and it will help me **_**terrifically **_**in future writing to know I have got it right.  
Guest3-Thank you. :D Thank you so much. And .. read on! :P**

**And thank you (also) so much to those who alerted/favourite because it means a **_**great deal**_** to me. (:**

**Like I said before, a slight crack-fic that came off the top of my head, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.  
Posted especially today – **_**happy fourth of July!**_

_Merlin began to talk._

_"A mouse took a stroll through the deep, dark wood ... "_

"A mouse?" yelped Gwaine. "Your war story is about a timid little _mouse_?"

"He didn't actually say war story," Elyan pointed out.

"And he didn't say timid either," Merlin said with a devilish grin.

"Merlin!" moaned Gwaine. "Tell us a proper story!"

But Merlin, getting tired by the interruptions, waved a hand in Gwaine's direction. Gwaine opened his mouth to complain some more, but suddenly found he couldn't speak. The knights chortled and slapped Merlin on the back. Upon seeing his next spell, however, they laughed outright.

"What?" demanded Gwaine, suddenly finding he could speak again. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Looking down at himself, Gwaine saw nothing different. The others, on the other hand, saw a small, round-eared little creature sitting where Gwaine had been. The image shifted and they saw Gwaine, then the mouse, then Gwaine again. The illusion kept changing, but when they saw the mouse it looked so real they found it hard to think it wasn't.

"Merlin that's brilliant!" congratulated Leon.

"Timid little mouse indeed," grinned Arthur.

Merlin's eyes sparkled again and he waved a hand through the air in front of him, muttering a few choice words under his breath. The scene around them began to change, turning darker and somehow scarier. The trees looked more menacing, the shadows frightening, the shadows lengthening. Soon it was just them and a mouse/Gwaine huddled around their little campfire.

"That's some powerful magic," commented Percival, and Merlin's ears turned a little pink with the compliment.

"Come on Merlin," pestered Arthur. "Very fancy. Now get on with it."

"Whatever you say, Sire," answered Merlin, before continuing.

"_A mouse took a stroll through the deep, dark wood. A fox saw the mouse, and the mouse looked good_."

Leon, sitting nearest Gwaine, should have seen it coming. He narrowed his eyes and frowned as the others looked at him with expressions of awe. To them, flickering in place of Leon was a curled up red fox, bushy tail, whiskers and all. And then it turned crazier: the fox sat up and started to talk.

"'Where_ are you going to, little brown mouse? Come and have lunch in my underground house.' "_

And then it was the mouse's turn, speaking with Merlin's voice. " _'It's terribly kind of you Fox, but no - I'm going to have lunch with a gruffalo.' _"

"_'A gruffalo? What's a gruffalo?'_ "

"_'A gruffalo! Why, didn't you know? He has terrible tusks, and terrible claws, and terrible teeth in his terrible jaws.'_ "

Merlin paused, allowing the laughter of the knights to wash over him. He glanced at Arthur, who had half a grin on his face. Arthur also looked slightly wary, so Merlin smiled and continued talking.

"_'Where are you meeting him?' 'Here, by these rocks. And his favourite food is roasted fox!' 'Roasted fox? I'm off!' Fox said. 'Goodbye little mouse,' and away he sped._"

And with Merlin's words, the red fox turned and sped away, fading into the dark woods behind him. Leon was wholly himself once more and the knight breathed a sigh of relief. Then the mouse hopped up from where Gwaine was sat and clambered across Leon to Percival, who suddenly looked very anxious indeed.

"That's brilliant Merlin," Gwaine enthused, now that he was free from being seen as a mouse, timid or not.

Merlin grinned and continued. " _'Silly old fox, doesn't he know? There's no such thing as a gruffalo!' On went the mouse, through the deep, dark wood. An owl saw the mouse and the mouse looked good._"

Percival groaned. He knew his time had come, and it had. The others gawped at him, open-mouthed, as an owl began to take shape where he sat. It looked like a majestic creature, proudly ruffling its feathers. And then it turned to the small mouse.

"_'Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come and have tea in my treetop house. ''That's frightfully kind of you owl, but no. I'm going to have lunch with a gruffalo.'_ "

The knights around the campfire - even Percival - chuckled, sensing where the story was going. They took strange amusement from the little rhyme Merlin kept spouting; even more from the magical prowess he showed.

"_'A gruffalo? What's a gruffalo?' 'A gruffalo? Why, didn't you know? He has knobbly knees and turned out toes and a poisonous wart at the end of his nose.'_ "

"A poisonous wart at the end of his nose?" Arthur repeated, bemused.

"Well when I'm surrounded by blockhead knights, it's not hard to take inspiration."

There were mock outraged cries as the knights surged up. They seemed to forget Merlin was now an all-powerful warlock however. He simply waved a hand and they sat back down, stuck to their seats for a few seconds.

Merlin continued his tale. " _'Where are you meeting him?' 'Here, by this stream. And his favourite food is owl ice-cream.' 'Owl ice cream? Toowhit toowhoo! Goodbye little mouse.' And away he flew._"

Here Merlin had to stop, because the laughter of the knights would drown out his speech. The image of the owl Merlin had conjured took over Percival's place and the thought of that big, stoic knight hooting like an owl was ridiculous. The owl itself took flight suddenly, disappearing into the image of the wood Merlin had created.

"Why me?" complained Percival. "You could have used Elyan or-"

"Arthur?" supplied Merlin, with dangerously twinkling eyes. "Hm. Let's continue."

"Merlin-" Arthur began in what he hoped was a warning voice, but his servant simply ploughed on as though he hadn't heard him.

"_'Silly old owl, doesn't he know? There's no such thing as a gruffalo.' On went the mouse, through the deep dark wood. A snake saw the mouse and the mouse looked good._"

Merlin narrowed his eyes and muttered a few more choice words. The mouse scurried to stand in front of Elyan, who groaned and buried his head in his hands. And then it was as snake in that knight's place. Long and coiled with a thick body and forked tongue. It was so realistic that Percival, closest to Elyan, shuffled backwards a little in alarm.

And then the snake seemed to speak, in a weird sort of hissing. _"'Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come for a feast in my logpile house.' 'That's wonderfully kind of you snake, but no. I'm going to have a feast with a gruffalo.' 'A gruffalo? What's a gruffalo?' 'A gruffalo? Why, didn't you know? His eyes are orange, his tongue is black, he has purple prickles all over his back.' 'Where are you meeting him?' 'Here, by this lake. And his favourite food is scrambled snake!'_ "

"Scrambled snake?" Leon repeated incredulously. "Really?"

"So you must have tried this delicacy then, Merlin?" grinned Gwaine, clapping a hand onto Merlin's shoulder.

Merlin smirked. "No, but the gruffalo would."

Gwaine looked at his friend for one long moment, before quickly withdrawing his hand, seeming to get the gist of what he was saying. Arthur, however, obviously didn't.

"Get on with it Merlin."

"Yes Sire," Merlin replied and Arthur was so shocked by his supposed subservience he fell silent.

"_'Scrambled snake? It's time I hid. Goodbye, little mouse.' And away he slid._"

They all turned to watch the great snake uncoil itself and slither away, allowing them to see Elyan properly once more. He looked relieved he was no longer being seen as a snake.

"_'Silly old snake! Doesn't he know? There's no such thing as a grufal...? _Oh_.'_ "

Merlin could feel the knights tensing. Not because they were so engrossed in the story -which they were - but because they were waiting to see which one of them had drawn the short straw in Merlin's story. They should have guessed.

"_'But what is this creature with terrible jaws and terrible teeth in his terrible jaws? He has knobbly knees and turned out toes and a poisonous wart at the end of his nose.'_ "

As Merlin spoke, Arthur felt a strange feeling wash over him, like someone pouring cold water over his head. Then he looked up and noticed all of his knights staring at him. Merlin was looking innocently at the campfire, but Arthur could swear he saw a glint of gold in his eyes. He surged to his feet and was surprised to see his knights draw back a little.

"'His_ eyes are orange, his tongue is black, he has purple prickles all over his back.'_ "

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur roared suddenly.

Merlin jumped up and backed away from the slowly-advancing Arthur. The image Merlin created was of a monster and here in the illusion of a threatening wood it could have been seen as scary. Instead, the knights found it hysterical.

"You won't be able to hear the end of the story," Merlin pointed out.

Arthur growled. "_MER_LIN!"

"'Oh_ help, oh no!'_ "Merlin cried, stepping backwards out of their camp.

Arthur leapt forwards and Merlin turned tail and ran. As Arthur chased after him, he looked back to normal. The dark wood disappeared and the knights once again heard all the noises of the forest.

But there was no mistaking Merlin's voice as he ran from Arthur: "'it's_ a gruffalo!'_ "

**Hope you liked it! I'd love a review to tell me what you thought of it (I hope it wasn't too long!)**

**This is the final chapter of this mini-story now. I don't think I'll continue, unless I get a giant request from reviewers.**

**-StrangelyPenned x**


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